Fine. I'll sleep in my office
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
