I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
