the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Randomize
