Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
