I hate all girls vehemently.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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