I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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