I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
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