all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
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