i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
