onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
