i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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