...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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