All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
