Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize