do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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