I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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