so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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