just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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