my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
