Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
