I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
