why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
