ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
