the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i think i have two assholes
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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