You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I didn't notice because vodka
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
