So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
