fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Randomize
