somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Randomize
