My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
