curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
