take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
