Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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