maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
