3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
