I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
