yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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