I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
