i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
