that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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