I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
