ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Still dying that you shit outside
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
