I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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