I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
