Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I think people are normalizing furries
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
