My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
