I think I died a long time ago.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
