careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
