i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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