Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
