Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
