Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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