Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
