The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
