Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
dude i'm inner monologue high
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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