I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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