i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
