I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
So squirting runs in the family.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
