he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
