I got chris browned last night
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
