the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
