just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
