you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
