I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
