Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
