Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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