Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
