it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
