...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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