I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
