I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
