eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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