Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
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