omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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