i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
