I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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