i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
