Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
