She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
