woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
