ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The best revenge is premature balding
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
