We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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