i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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