I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
