Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
