everyone is single if you try hard enough
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
