someone threw a dead crab at me
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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