Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
