I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
