So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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