Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
