I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
