Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
