So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
